Only a mothe r could love this liver
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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