just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
