Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
