I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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