I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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