alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
