Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
