Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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