Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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