Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
