I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
