Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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