he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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