Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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