I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
