Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
