he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
