My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
