I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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