how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
