Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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