I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
