ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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