i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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