my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
