I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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