The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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