cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
