we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
