At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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