Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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