You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
