RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
