there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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