I think im going to throw up on grandma
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
