I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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