I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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