Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
