So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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