Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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