3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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