just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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