Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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