his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
