I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
