I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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