After last night, I could never be a politician.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
