Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
