Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
