Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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