Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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