This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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