3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
