someone get that fucking seahorse.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
