he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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