physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
