It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We are all done wearing pants today
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
