my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
