I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
