good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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