How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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