A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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