my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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