I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your penis caused this!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
