It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
