Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
