i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
