Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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