My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
