He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
