well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
