I got chris browned last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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