I think I am morally bankrupt
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
