problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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