Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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