kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
